For weeks now I have been thinking about writing this big post. Something fun, energetic and exciting about the news of our big announcement.
But I haven’t. And you might be wondering why.
So here it is. The announcement of all announcements.
NOTE: Before you go getting all preachy and telling me how blessed we are that we are having a baby and how many couples wish for the same thing, hear me out. The reason I am writing this post is because if I am feeling this way, I’m probably not the only mom in the history of moms to feel this way.
You see, I feel lost. I feel ashamed of how “blah” I am at this point. I feel like I should be the giggling ball of joy that is just bursting with excitement about this, but I’m not. And until recently, I didn’t even know why.
That is, until I read this blog post. And as a mom-to-be I’m so glad I did.
You see, life before pregnancy was figured out, organized and dare I say, FUN. I would wake up, have my to-do list, herd people to listen to me and follow my orders as needed, accomplish things on this list and BAM! — success.
Side note: I love lists. I love lists. Let me say this one more time, I LOVE LISTS! I love making them, crossing things out on them, putting new things on them, writing lists of things that I have accomplished on lists and then, my favorite thing is to write lists of things that I never think I will get to BUT THEN I DO!
But recently, things have been different. I have been sick — real sick. Like motion sickness mixed with about every other sick feeling you have ever felt, every day for 3 months. I’ve tried medicine after medicine prescribed, with little to no relief.
How that plays out in real life is scary. I will spare you the details, but let’s just say I have spent more time kneeling to the ceramic gods than I ever have before — even in my partying days.
I’ve missed important meetings. I’ve had to make cancellations at work. I’ve turned down things that I would have DIED to go to.
And you know what that means: my to-do list isn’t getting done as fast. Some days (like weekends) it doesn’t get done at all.
I just sit and plan my next meal. Carefully. With as many nutrients as possible on a tummy that can handle little to nothing. I think you could say I’ve been feeling very defeated.
But today I think my perspective might have changed a bit after reading this post that was shared by a fellow farm mom, written by a very wise lady.
The post actually talks about life after giving birth but I think that this holds true for what I’m doing now too: the whole creating life thing. The whole #humanfarming thing.
While I personally believe there are few tasks more important than raising tiny humans [shout out to Brooke!], I don’t think it’s a responsibility that should be taken lightly. It’s a big undertaking and a huge commitment, both during pregnancy and in the chapter of life that starts after. It’s not for everyone. If you decide to spend your life making other positive impacts on the world, awesome — no shame in your game. But, me? I’m not one of those happy glowing pregnant women. I’m excited to meet my son or daughter, but ready for this part to wrap up.
Now I don’t want to spoil this for you, but if you are a new mom (pre- or post-natal} that:
1. likes to-do lists as much as I do
2. grew up in a society that measures success by your how much you get finished on your to-do list
3. works in a job that they love and tries their heart out to squeeze every bit of time out of my day to serve the people that I work for, I encourage you to read the post linked above.